Swingers Etiquette

How to behave in the Swinging Lifestyle

We offer a few words of advice on how to behave in the swinging lifestyle so that you are successful as swingers.

Everyone in the swinging lifestyle wants to have successful meetings with other swingers.

It is just common sense that we should treat everyone we talk to with good manners, just as we ourselves would expect to be treated.

If you take note of our suggestions below you should become a welcome guest at any type of swinging meeting.

Be Courteous

Be aware that many new comers will feel insecure, uncertain and maybe a bit fearful. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated.

Be Friendly

Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.

Respond to all invitations

Good manners means that you should reply to all invitations you recieve. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are bad mennered enough not to respond. Good etiquette and good social courtesy means that you should respond by either calling, writing to, or texting to accept or decline the invitation.

Never arrive empty handed

When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. When you have a lot of guests attending a swingers party in your home it is amazing how many supplies, other than food and drink are used. If you are not going as a couple, a house gift is appropriate not necessarily wine.
If you are attending a paid party or a club no gift is expected or necessary.

Go prepared

Take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.


Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what the time travelling somewhere, stopping for a bite, or whatever, can do to your personal hygene.

Respect Other's Feelings

Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as other guests, are relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.

Don't be Pushy

If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you.
Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that.

Only Do What is Fun for You

Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scenario that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.

How and Why to say NO

The most important rule in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No" at anytime. Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.
If you persist after being told no, any good host will have you removed from the event.

Alcohol & Drugs

Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle. Remember that initail swinging meetings are often very stressful and that stress will make you drunk more quickly than usual.

Practice Safer Sex

It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly.
If someone asks you to use protection you are not being accused of being unclean, but simply the other person wishes to provide you both with protection.

Call to say Thanks

If you go to a successful private meeting, or it a party at someones house, good manners dictate that you should call the host and thank them for their hospitality.
Most people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. It means a lot to the hosts that you thanked them and they are more likely to remember you as a good guest when planning their next event. Don't you like to be thanked?

Be Good Hosts

If you are holding an event where swingers will be coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.

Enjoy Yourself

Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.